B is for "But what if I'm wrong?"

The fear of making a wrong career decision

"What if I'm wrong?" - it sounds like a sensible question, right? To some degree, yes. Asking and answering it is all part of the due diligence of making a big decision. Yet, it rests on the assumption that there exists a right answer (or decision), and that the goal is to find it before taking action.

I don't believe career decisions work like that. There's no right or wrong, per se. There are choices, each leading to a different version of events, none of which can really be compared because we only choose one to move forward with.

To that end, the question "what if I'm wrong?" is, in the strictest sense, unanswerable. And I don't know about you, but the unanswerable questions are the ones my mind loves to ponder the most #overthinkersunite.

We're not that great at predicting how we'll feel

Not even a psychic can predict how you'll feel

When we imagine being "wrong", i.e. taking the job, hating it and wanting to leave, we're not really predicting the future. We're actually predicting our feelings in that version of the future.

This is called affective forecasting, i.e. people's predictions about their future feelings (You can read more about it here).

A consistent finding within the research on this is that we overestimate both how bad negative events will make us feel and how long the feeling will last. We also forget we have the capacity to adapt, and fail to take this into account when thinking about the future. The future your mind is creating - where you've taken a decision that was wrong - likely feels catastrophic in some way. However, the real you has been handling and adapting to unwanted scenarios your whole life.

I see an interesting tension here, specifically with feelings of regret surrounding decision-making. Whilst regret in relation to career decisions seems to be an under explored area, broader research is plentiful. Such research seems to suggest that in the short-term, we regret the things we did. In the long-term, we regret the things we didn't do. The action that didn't work out gets processed, explained, rationalised and woven into our life story. The inaction never gets the same treatment - it stays open-ended because there's nothing to process.

So, perhaps the fear of being wrong is trying to protect us from the first kind of regret and in doing so veers us towards the second kind. How annoying!

Very few career moves are actually irreversible

The fear of being wrong can often be underpinned by the idea that a career move is permanent. It's worth asking how true that is for your situation.

People change jobs, industries. People leave, realise it wasn't right and may go back. People also take roles they're unsure about and discover unexpected opportunities. The working world is full of careers that no longer follow a straight line #squigglycareers.

When people talk around this point, what they're usually referring to is:

1. The cost (time and/or money) associated with making a wrong decision.

2. The discomfort associated with the conversations about the decision and the (perceived negative) perceptions of other people;

3. The pace (can be slow) at which the decision is 'undone'.

These aren't nothing but most career moves can be adjusted, reversed or even built upon. The consequences of a wrong decision are almost always: you feel uncomfortable for a while, you learn something about what you actually want (and definitely don't want), and you make another decision.

That's not failure. That's having a career.

So, what's really underneath the question?

If you sit with "what if I'm wrong?" long enough, there's usually something more specific underneath it. It might be:

• "What if I look foolish?" - The fear of other people watching you make a move that doesn't work out.

• "What if I can't handle it?" - It's not that you think the decision might be wrong, more that you won't be up to the job.

• "What if I can be happy where I am, and I throw it away?" - if things get better where you are and are not so good where you're going (is the grass going to be greener?).

The question is rarely about the decision itself, rather what it might reveal about us, e.g. our instincts can't be trusted or we don't really know what we want. So, what can we do that's helpful?

So, what can actually help?

Even sheep get things wrong

1. Define 'wrong' - write down what being 'wrong' would actually look like (not the feeling, just the events). Then write what you'd do about it (please don't harm any sheep though). Spending just 10 minutes doing this can change the picture considerably.

2. Ask "What's the cost of staying?" - We focus so much on the move that we can forget to ask about staying where we are. What does another year of this feel like? Write this down too.

3. Lower the stakes - You're choosing your next move, not your forever move. Framing it as one stepping stone in your career (in whatever direction) can help change how the decision feels.

4. Look at your own evidence - Think about a decision you agonised over in the past. At the time, it probably felt huge. But looking back, did it ruin things? Or did you handle it, learn from it, and move forward?

5. Try and talk to someone who supposedly got it 'wrong' or has had a squiggly career - Someone who made a move that didn't go as planned but they came out the other side okay. Their story is likely way more useful that any success story.

To conclude...

"But what if I'm wrong?" assumes there's a right answer available in advance. There objectively isn't.

Most career moves aren't irreversible; they're adjustable. And the fear of being wrong usually isn't about the decision at all, it's about what we think the decision says about us.

The one thing to take from this? Believe and trust in yourself that you'll be able to handle whatever comes next. You got this!

Thank you for reading - it means a lot.

Shona

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This is post 2 of 26. Next up: C is for Comparison Trap - why everyone else's career looks more figured out than your own.

If you're new here, start at the beginning with A is for Analysis Paralysis.

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