Overthinking Strategies: Why Stopping Doesn't work (and what does)
- Shona Watson
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
In the last post, we looked at what overthinking actually is, and perhaps more importantly, what it isn't. It's a very understandable pattern that most of us know well. So, what can we do about it?
Well, if you're hoping this post will tell you how to stop overthinking, you're going to be disappointed - sorry. You only need to Google 'overthinking' to see the plethora of well meaning advice about how to stop overthinking. It's not that it's the wrong goal per se, more that it tends to be the wrong strategy. The advice that tells you to challenge the thought, reframe it, or replace it with something more positive works, at best, for only a short time. And yes, I've been there, got the t-shirt.
I mentioned in a previous blog post about Wegner's 'white bear' studies, which demonstrated that trying to suppress a thought makes it more likely to surface. Tell someone not to think of a white bear and that's exactly what they'll think about. So, if you've ever told yourself to just stop thinking about something and found you couldn't, that's perfectly normal. It's how the mind works.
So, if stopping overthinking isn't the answer, what is?
Introducing psychological flexibility
Psychological flexibility is a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Theory (ACT), which is a well-researched approach developed by Psychologist Steven Hayes and colleagues, with a substantial evidence base behind it.
In plain terms, psychological flexibility is the ability to stay present, open up to what's happening in your inner world, and continue doing what genuinely matters to you, even when your thoughts and feelings are uncomfortable or unhelpful.
It's not about having a calm mind. It's about having a workable relationship with the mind you actually have. This distinction is important for overthinking as it suggests a shift from trying to achieve a quiet mind to acting meaningfully even when the mind is noisy. It's a workable strategy, unlike the strategy of stopping overthinking which is unrealistic and, usually, counterproductive.
Here are some of the strategies that the evidence base supports:
Creating distance between your thoughts
One of the foundations of psychological flexibility is learning to relate to thoughts differently, rather than believing everything the mind produces as truth. In ACT, this is called cognitive defusion.
When we overthink, we tend to fuse with thoughts. The thought "I'm going to say something stupid during this presentation" becomes something we're living inside, rather than something we're observing. Defusion is simply the practice of stepping back and noticing the thought as a thought, rather than a truth.
One of the simplest defusion techniques is this: instead of "I'm going to say something stupid," try "I'm having the thought that I'm going to say something stupid." It feels clunky at first, but that's kind of the point. The clumsiness creates just enough distance for you to see the thought rather than be consumed by it.
Russ Harris, in The Happiness Trap, offers another technique: notice the thought, name it ("there's the 'I'm stupid' story again"), and let it do what thoughts do, i.e. come and go, without you having to respond to every single one of them as if it requires immediate action.
Making room for unhelpful thoughts rather than battling against them
In ACT, this is referred to as Acceptance. It doesn't mean resigning yourself to a life of overthinking and deciding that's fine. It means stopping the battle with your own inner workings, and redirecting that energy toward something more useful.
When we battle unhelpful thoughts or feelings, we often make them more intense.
It's the psychological equivalent of trying to hold a beach ball underwater. You can do it, for a while, and it takes an enormous amount of effort, but eventually it's going to shoot up. Acceptance is deciding not to fight the ball.
In practice, this might look like acknowledging a thought without trying to argue with it, dismiss it, or immediately solve it. Something like, "Yes, I'm worried about this presentation. I can notice that and still carry on." It won't feel easy at the beginning, but it's worth practising because it gradually reduces the exhausting cycle where overthinking triggers anxiety about overthinking, which triggers more overthinking.
Getting clear on what actually matters
Overthinking often has a particular grip on decisions and situations we care about. One of the most useful things about ACT is how much it emphasises values. I've written previously about values here.
This matters for overthinkers because the loops we get stuck in are a result of searching for certainty. Values work offers an alternative: not "what's the right decision?" but "what matters to me here, and what action would reflect that?" It's a question you can actually answer.
A simple starting point is to ask yourself for the situation you're overthinking: what would the version of me I respect most do here? The version of you who doubts and worries and acts anyway, in the direction of something that genuinely matters.
Coming back to the present
Present-moment awareness is another component of psychological flexibility. In the context of overthinking, present-moment awareness interrupts the escalation of overthinking. It brings you out of those patterns (e.g. where you are reconstructing the past or catastrophising about the future), and returns you to the here and now.
For overthinkers specifically, this is about noticing when you've drifted into your overthinking patterns and choosing to come back to the present moment. That noticing, practised regularly, is what gradually cuts short the overthinking.
Looking across the four strategies, none of them require you to change or stop overthinking. They all, in different ways, ask something more realistic and more sustainable: that you change how you respond to it.
This is not a small ask, and runs counter to a lot of our instincts and, frankly, a lot of the advice out there. But it is backed by a growing body of evidence, and it is the kind of change that tends to hold - I've seen that first hand. I don't know about you, but in a world of "10 ways to stop overthinking", what ACT offers is way more honest and way more attainable (even though it does require practice and patience).
Something to practice
Pick one situation you've been overthinking recently. Write it down. Then ask yourself these three questions:
What thoughts are showing up that you're battling with, or trying to push away?
What actually matters to you in this situation - not what the "right" answer is, but what you genuinely care about?
What's one small action that would move you in that direction, even with the uncertainty still present?
You don't have to resolve the thought. You just have to find one thing worth moving toward.
Thank you for reading - it means a lot.
Shona
Further reading
I can't recommend enough 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris. It is probably the most accessible introduction to ACT principles I've come across.
And I have to recommend my own work too - my short guide to explaining Acceptance and Commitment Coaching (ACC) - you can download it here.
If this resonated, there's more where that came from.
The Overthinking Reset is a free 5-day email course. One practical insight or technique each day, grounded in the same approach used in my coaching. No cost. No commitment. Just something useful to take into the week ahead.
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